you could be a part time model

(but you'd probably have to keep your regular job)

I know this blog went from an artist-marketing tool into a more a personal escapade, but no matter. I feel that to know my art, you have to know me, and vice versa. I would very much like to post more sketches and in-progress photos, but I am working so much that my free time is very limited, and lately I have been pouring all that I am into my secret project, which doesn't have much to do with art. It's all about prioritizing. And I guess with my art, I'm just trying to keep it sacred.

There's a myth in Hinduism that Lakshmi (the goddess of wealth) and Sarasvati (the goddess of creativity) are jealous rivals, and that if you court only Lakshmi, Sarasvati's gifts will surely leave you. I felt that I was trying desperately to woo Lakshmi, and that Sarasvati was starting to get very impatient with me. I am now trying to win her back, and as such I have not been "on my game" when it comes to marketing myself and my craft.

But I've been thinking a lot about it lately, and I am okay with my art taking a backseat (professionally speaking) for a little bit. I still want to submit to SageWoman and to Wizards of the Coast... that will always be one of my goals. But I've just been...so tired lately, and it's nice to just SKETCH, without any thoughts of whether the image will be sell-able or if I should try submitting it, or.... etc.

If that counts as "giving up," then maybe I have for now. Not forever. But just for now.

It doesn't mean I'm not drawing. I'm just not pimping myself as much as I tried to do right before/right after the SCBWI conference.

That conference really killed me. It really did. And I guess my confidence in myself has never been the same. I don't know what I want from myself, or my skill. I just know that I want to be happy. And having my drawings be my children again, instead of my whores, feels good. Feels right.
(I know that's a weird way to put it, but that's how I was starting to feel).

I don't know if anyone reads this, but even if I'm typing this only for myself, it's nice to realize that I'm starting to become happy with my art again. Maybe some day I can be "an artist"... full time, part time, whatever. My commissions are going well lately, and that counts (of course), but obviously the dream is to draw whatever I want and get paid to do it... right?

Too bad I don't know how to begin with the whole gallery process. I think that would be fun, without the stress of the "freelance illustrator" thing hanging over my head. I just have no idea how to start.

I'm just shooting for the moon and hoping that WHEN I fall, at least maybe I'll reach a star or two...

EDIT: (after a good half-hour of thinking)
I realized that I haven't actually given up, but I am at a complete loss for how to proceed. After I posted I looked at a bunch of galleries online, noted which were accepting submissions...I just wish I had time to put together a solid selection of new work that all related to one another and could be potentially put together as a show. Because I have a feeling that's what they'd want to see.

Oh and as you can see, I changed my blog address. I want to have a solid art one (which will be strangeladypress.blogspot.com), even if I only update once in awhile.

Peace.