these wheels are beginning to turn

Things are not certain at this moment in time, but my life is starting to take a positive turn. Well, my life has always been a positive one, but the difference now is that I am seeing a manifestation of the hopes I've had in the past, so things are more wonderfully possible now than they ever have been before!

With the creeping onset of the Autumnal season, I am beginning to notice change not only in my circumstance, but in my inner being as well. I have been re-evaluating my life a great deal lately, and trying to figure out what I want from this existence of mine. The result is that I am re-prioritizing, looking at myself and my potential futures in a very real way.

I have come to terms with the fact that my childhood/adolescent dreams of being rich and famous are probably not going to pan out. So in response I have embraced the idea of a very simple life, with a very simple future, and a very simple growing-up. My only ambitious dream these days is to perhaps afford a house in San Francisco one day. That, for me, would mean that I am rich.

With my newfound employment at a bookstore cafe (which will hopefully begin in a week or so), I have been considering also the role of art in my life. It is such a huge part of me, and I am so excited about the projects I have in my head! I have this huge list of pieces that I wrote down last week---17 drawings and paintings that I want to tackle! Not to mention my wanting to submit to Wizards of the Coast and a few magazines! But since I will not have to rely on art for my sole income, I am giving a lot of thought to the kind of art I want to spend my hard-won free time on. I am trying to figure out my personality and how it relates to my art, namely how it relates to the kind of freelance jobs/commissions I want to work and what I need to step away from in favor of projects that will be more personally fulfilling. But where can I draw the line? I don't want to be picky, and it will be hard for me to turn down work. If someone wants me to draw something for them, and they are willing to pay me, I want to make them happy. Yet, sometimes the project is just not my type of thing, and I end up being unhappy or frustrated.

Is it better to accept all jobs for money and be unhappy in some, or to be picky and have to work somewhere else for income, and be happy with every project?

This is one of the questions I have been asking myself.

I guess I just like a lot of freedom, and I like the idea of someone coming to me and saying, "Draw us a zombie vomiting up another zombie" and then it is my duty to make it excellent, with a bang-up composition and a well-executed technical aspect. I don't know if freelance work like this exists, but oh! I hope it does, if not just for me!

Anyway, my brother just stepped in to show me something, and now I've lost my train of thought. So off I go to read and enjoy some snuggles with a still-sleeping Boyfriend.

I guess the main point of this post, though, is that I am looking forward to Autumn and the changes it will bring: in season, in weather, in fashion, in food, and in myself.