long time no see!

Wow, it's been forever.

I got a new computer (my old one died) so perhaps I can begin posting again.
I also recently began a sketchbook...something I have not had/been diligent enough to do for years. So perhaps in addition to some more regular posting I might actually have some drawings to put up!

Ciao for now!

who's gonna save my soul now?

I have started a love-affair with iTunes. I got a gift card awhile ago and am just now enjoying the benefits. It's a chance for me to get some guilty-pleasure type music that I normally wouldn't pay for despite my enjoyment of the songs. Wahoo!

I have a cold. I was having other, different, health problems earlier this week---why is it that all of my issues occur at once? It's lame.

I'm finding it hard to concentrate. Boyfriend is at work right now. I want to be working on my projects but my mind keeps wandering. I think it's because I'm sick...I start to get tired of focusing and just want to lay down and listen to music instead.
Despite this, I am making some progress on my secret project. I am so excited! It's slow going, but at least it's going...

Oh yes, and I have realized that I should no longer buy clothing online. Usually it's the size that's the problem, but this time it's the colors: the colors on my monitor and in person were so different! So now I have ANOTHER trip to the post office to return them, and the website doesn't cover postage. So I'm out $6. Lame.

And I'm realizing just how crazy everyone is. Really crazy. I mean REALLY. I know I'm far from normal, but... I at least try to cause other people happiness rather than strife. I know now that that's not the case for most everyone else.
Why do people like causing others pain, discomfort, confusion, strife, anger, sadness? It's so weird to me.

And those are my thoughts for today.
P.S. I'm happy that it's raining!

photo of the best tattoo ever!

my latest tattoo!
it's a drawing by Chris Sanders. You can check out his work at www.chrissandersart.com

oi

I got a new tattoo! I will post pictures a.s.a.p!

I am struggling with my personal projects. I'm not at work as much but I seem to be lacking creative motivation. Ugh.

Speaking of work, some people have mentioned training me on the book floor. I am excited about this: I think I could be an asset to the book end of things. I'm not sure if they'd pull me out of cafe completely---I think it would be cool to spend half my weekly hours in cafe and half on the book floor. Best of both worlds!So I'm going to try and find out what's going on as soon as I can. I don't like not knowing what people are planning for me!

I am excited for work tomorrow so that I can show off my new ink. It really is the most amazing tattoo ever.

tongue

so I went to the doctor because the pain was unbearable, and the tension from trying to talk stiffened up the whole right side of my face and made my neck a little swollen. apparently I have a really bad canker sore caused by a virus (I guess I didn't bite my tongue, which makes sense because I didn't remember doing it, I just assumed that that's what the cause was)---the sore looks red and puffy around the edges so it's also possible it's a tad infected. they gave me an antibiotic commonly used for herpes: you can imagine how THAT made me feel, picking it up at the pharmacist! hah! but I guess cankers and cold sores are related, and cold sores=form of herpes. so I understand the medicine-connection.

they also gave me a powerful numbing gel. I was too scared to use a lot, but the tiny dab I put on the sore didn't really do anything, so in 4 hours (when I can re-apply), I'll use a little more until I find a good amount.

I had to leave work today because of this stupid thing (talking hurts and I talk a lot at my job), which I felt bad about. this guy Patrick was nice enough to come in and cover my shift, so at least I know they weren't short-handed.

so, back to work tomorrow. I'll shake this stupid malady soon enough! I shake my fist at canker sores strategically placed to prevent eating! bah! (although I was able to eat some chow mein and orange chicken... juuuust soft enough that I powered through the pain and got some solid food in me. hooray!)

back to bed.

it's in the singing of a street corner choir...

holiday update:
-I got most of what I wanted for Christmas. What I didn't get, I don't mind waiting until my birthday for. I am content.
-Work hasn't been too bad, lately. Busy, but manageable. I am a stone you can't squeeze blood from. I am a leaf on the wind!
-Everyone liked their gifts, for which I am most thankful.
-I bit my tongue really hard on accident, and now I lisp when I talk and I'm having problems eating/drinking/brushing my teeth/swallowing. Ugh!
-I just made my next tattoo appointment! January 9th!

Now I just have to think of some good New Year's resolutions or something.
I'm excited about N.Y.'s Eve... Daniel and I are going to get trashed! I finally found some straight alcohol that I enjoy drinking (as opposed to those fruity girl drinks that you have to drink ten of just to get tispy). So it'll be a good start to the new year.

another one bites the dust

Just finished another dog portrait for a client. It was the biggest challenge yet, but I am really happy with the way it turned out. I hope she likes it!

Work was pretty good today. It went by fast, and that's all I can ever hope for. So then I came home and was reluctant to paint, due to my exhaustion, but I delved deep within and must have mustered up something good, because I finished the entire painting in one sitting!
That's what I love about the dog portraits. They are challenging, and yet go quickly. I think it's because I enjoy them.

I have gotten a few people to call me "Fraulein" quite regularly. You can't imagine how very happy this makes me.

Auf Wiedersehen!

spread the word

I want to be called "Fraulein" instead of using my name. I think it would be boss.
(it's just a proper German word equivalent to 'miss' for Americans, used for unmarried women. But doesn't it sound just so wonderful?)

weird day + some paintings

Today started out innocently enough, but by 1pm it all started to become very weird. I'm feeling better now, but for awhile I was seriously questioning my existence. You know...one of those days.

There are some new paintings up at my art blog---www.strangeladypress.blogspot.com
Check them out! They are Xmas gifts for some people I work with. When I enjoy working with you, you get paintings! See how that works out?

Boyfriend gets off work sometime between 10pm and 10:30pm. I am anxious for him to come home. My head hurts and I seriously need some cuddles. I have work tomorrow from 10am-6pm. I'm not looking forward to working on a Saturday. It seems like the only Saturdays Boyfriend doesn't work are the very ones on which I get scheduled. It is a cruel world, sometimes.

I love the holidays and I am very glad that they are fast approaching! I did all of my Christmas shopping this past week and I am very excited to see what my friends and family think of their gifts. All that remains to be done is some scarf-finishing, another drawing (for Tony), and some holiday baking and card-writing. I also have a dog-painting commission that is still outstanding, so I will be working on that along with everything else.

I am hoping that my tattoo shop will be open on January 2nd or 3rd! I asked for those days off to visit my family in NoCal, but those plans fell through for awhile (my grandpa is sick), and so I have some days to myself. What better thing to use them for than a new tattoo?

I am reading the book Twilight for the first time, and I must say... it's not the fabulous piece of literature its popularity would suggest. I understood the Harry Potter franchise because I really did believe the books were well-written. But I understand that with Twilight, what is winning out is merely the draw of handsome young vampires and a romantic story. The book is okay, but it's a little tedious at times and the gullibility of Bella is astounding. I know there doesn't need to be pages and pages of her disbelief, but it could be a much rockier acceptance of the truth than in the book. I also think a healthy editing would have done the book a great service.
It's okay. It's enjoyable enough to read, but I find myself longing to read some Anne Rice instead at times.

Well anyway, off to do some knitting!

money

I just spent a lot on Xmas gifts.
Now I just need money for tattoos.
And to pay one of my favorite artists to sketch a girl for me so that I can get it as a tattoo. Not sure if he'd do it, but after I get his one drawing as a tat, maybe it will up my chances of him taking an hour for that specific purpose.

One can hope.

sad thing, happy thing

sad thing: my grandpa is going to have surgery soon, if he hasn't already had it. pretty nasty surgery. he'll be okay, but... it's still a very sad situation.

happy thing(s): I'm painting tonight + work was pretty good today.

work was a nightmare

I cried at work today. Luckily I made it to my lunch before breaking down; I spent the whole half-hour upset. It was one of the most stressful work days I have ever had.

However, everyone was so super nice to me, that it made it all better. I love my co-workers! Everyone is so lovely and supportive! They are the best kind of bandage.

Hopefully Black Friday is a little better than today was. But it probably won't be.

sigh

why do I do this to myself?

sickie

I left work early today because I wasn't feeling that great. I'm not precisely sick, more like I can feel something coming on and I want to do my best to fight it BEFORE I get sick. So when I got home I ate warm food, read in bed, and napped a little. It seems to have helped for the most part, although there's still this weird thickness in my throat and the back of my nasal passage. I don't really know how to describe it other than it feels like the start of a head cold. Let's hope that when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll be right as rain!

Sick or not, though, I'm going to work tomorrow. I felt bad leaving early today and I don't want to miss any more work this week. So I'm going.

I have Thursday and Friday off, though, so I can rest up then, too.

Friday is my anniversary with Boyfriend!

you could be a part time model

(but you'd probably have to keep your regular job)

I know this blog went from an artist-marketing tool into a more a personal escapade, but no matter. I feel that to know my art, you have to know me, and vice versa. I would very much like to post more sketches and in-progress photos, but I am working so much that my free time is very limited, and lately I have been pouring all that I am into my secret project, which doesn't have much to do with art. It's all about prioritizing. And I guess with my art, I'm just trying to keep it sacred.

There's a myth in Hinduism that Lakshmi (the goddess of wealth) and Sarasvati (the goddess of creativity) are jealous rivals, and that if you court only Lakshmi, Sarasvati's gifts will surely leave you. I felt that I was trying desperately to woo Lakshmi, and that Sarasvati was starting to get very impatient with me. I am now trying to win her back, and as such I have not been "on my game" when it comes to marketing myself and my craft.

But I've been thinking a lot about it lately, and I am okay with my art taking a backseat (professionally speaking) for a little bit. I still want to submit to SageWoman and to Wizards of the Coast... that will always be one of my goals. But I've just been...so tired lately, and it's nice to just SKETCH, without any thoughts of whether the image will be sell-able or if I should try submitting it, or.... etc.

If that counts as "giving up," then maybe I have for now. Not forever. But just for now.

It doesn't mean I'm not drawing. I'm just not pimping myself as much as I tried to do right before/right after the SCBWI conference.

That conference really killed me. It really did. And I guess my confidence in myself has never been the same. I don't know what I want from myself, or my skill. I just know that I want to be happy. And having my drawings be my children again, instead of my whores, feels good. Feels right.
(I know that's a weird way to put it, but that's how I was starting to feel).

I don't know if anyone reads this, but even if I'm typing this only for myself, it's nice to realize that I'm starting to become happy with my art again. Maybe some day I can be "an artist"... full time, part time, whatever. My commissions are going well lately, and that counts (of course), but obviously the dream is to draw whatever I want and get paid to do it... right?

Too bad I don't know how to begin with the whole gallery process. I think that would be fun, without the stress of the "freelance illustrator" thing hanging over my head. I just have no idea how to start.

I'm just shooting for the moon and hoping that WHEN I fall, at least maybe I'll reach a star or two...

EDIT: (after a good half-hour of thinking)
I realized that I haven't actually given up, but I am at a complete loss for how to proceed. After I posted I looked at a bunch of galleries online, noted which were accepting submissions...I just wish I had time to put together a solid selection of new work that all related to one another and could be potentially put together as a show. Because I have a feeling that's what they'd want to see.

Oh and as you can see, I changed my blog address. I want to have a solid art one (which will be strangeladypress.blogspot.com), even if I only update once in awhile.

Peace.

Grease Light-ning!

Just as I was leaving for work I got a call from my manager saying not to come in today, because the cafe will not be open; the grease trap at the Cafe overflowed. I have to call at 4pm to see if work will resume tomorrow... but it may not.

So! Poor Tony. But it's nice to get a surprise day off. I immediately jumped back in my jammies, slept for a few hours, and now that Boyfriend has gone to work I am going to continue on my project.

:)

INVALIDATE PROP 8

I am very passionate about equal rights for all human beings, regardless of skin color, nationality, religion (or lack of one), sexual orientation, etc. Therefore, although I was pleased that our country has elected its first African-American president, I was ashamed of my state, California, for voting to eliminate rights for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

Please join me in the fight against discrimination.

Go to www.invalidateprop8.org to make contributions to the cause.
Go to http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/repealprop8 to sign a petition and e-mail the website to your friends and family.

If you don't have money to donate, just signing the petition will help.

You can also show your disapproval by writing to your senators, governor, and other representatives, to let them know that you are ashamed by this step-backward our state has unfortunately taken.

With your help, I believe we can repeal Prop 8. It is unconstitutional, unfair, and wrong. Its' passing shows me that the majority of our population is diseased and bigoted. We must right this wrong and overturn this unfortunate decision.

I am usually not quite so political, but this is an issue that is dear to me. I believe that everyone truly is equal. And above all, I believe in Love. I believe that Love should conquer all. And I hope that it can conquer this.

Thank you so much for reading, and please do what you can to help our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

are you a good witch or a bad witch?

My head hurts, so I can't do much by way of reading or writing, or even sketching, to pass the time. At the moment I'm best suited for pointless activity. So I messed around in Photoshop a little and changed the colors on an old picture of me.

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

blerg.

So the issue at work got resolved. I spoke with the store manager and my direct manager and they had a talk with the offending person about the attitude problem.
Today was the first day we've been scheduled together since then and there were no problems. So that's good.

Obama is president, and for that I am happy. But I really am hating on CA right now. I can't believe we passed Prop8. So many of my friends are gay, and I hate living in a state that believes they are evil and undeserving of rights. Isn't it just RICH that intolerant bigots are allowed to marry other intolerant bigots, and breed baby intolerant bigots, but people who are in love can't get married or adopt children?

I also hate that I live in Simi Valley, who just BARELY voted for Obama.

*sigh*

Anyway, in other news, I've recently finished up a few commissions! So it was nice to get a little work and cash for my art :) I have one more that I'm doing, it's a tattoo design for one of the managers at the store. I had too much coffee and am crashing so I probably won't do it today, but maybe soon. Then I want to get back to my evil mermaid!

Secret project is going well. Very well!

I got a book today about evil kings and queens from Europe. It has huge full-color paintings and it seems super dope! I can't wait to read it! I love morbid monarchs.

I am working tomorrow and Friday... I have also worked Mon, Tues, and today of this week. I am getting sleepy! Next week I go back to Mon-Thurs though, but on Tues and Thurs I come in at 7:30am and open all by myself! Crazy! So we'll see how that goes, eh?

Boyfriend is at work right now. We were as ships passing in the night, him leaving mere minutes before I got home. I could really use some cuddles right now, so this fact of his absence makes me a sad goose.

I believe I shall go read now, though. Away!

my belly is full

I drank my soda too fast and now I feel like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. "You're turning violet, Violet!" and all of that.

It's another Saturday here at the house. Boyfriend is at work, parents are in Vegas (my dad has a work conference and my mom went with), and the brothers are going to the movies with friends in an hour or so. It'll be nice to be here by myself. I can't tell you the last time I had the whole house to do as I pleased! I'll probably just stay in my room and work on my secret project, but it is nice to KNOW that I could do whatever I wanted and no one would stop me!

This week was pretty good. I had less hours than normal at work, even though only 4 less. It was kind of nice to go in later on Wednesday instead of opening. I felt like a college kid cutting class! I don't work this Wednesday at all, but I work Saturday instead, which is kind of a bummer. Watch, it will be the first Saturday Boyfriend doesn't work!

My job is the coolest in the world except for this one person working there. I won't name names or tell genders even, but this person is very condescending towards me and doesn't treat me very well. Work is golden until this person shows up, and then things go sour and I have a hard time getting my job done. On those days I usually leave feeling aggravated and upset. I don't know what to do about it, either. I am still the new kid and I don't want my managers to feel like I am the one causing problems. But this person really is making it a difficult work environment for me. This person treats me like I am stupid---and I assure you, I am not. I didn't graduate from university with a BA, Summa Cum Laude (GPA of 3.9 or above), by being of low intelligence. Making a mistake at my cafe job should not be an indicator of my mental capacity.

I just don't know what to do. Should I talk to a superior about this issue? Should I request to no longer be scheduled with this person? I don't want to make more work for my managers and I don't want to be a problem. But really... I love my job until I have to work with the person in question, and then I am miserable.

Anyway, it's time to throw in another load of laundry.